so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize