He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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