I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
