I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize