He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize