Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
