the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
