Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
