I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
