It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
