I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
