goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
