I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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