Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize