he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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