i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
