dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
