Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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