I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Need sex. Gaining weight.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just blew my weed a kiss
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
