Duck Duck Cougar?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
