WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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