I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
