His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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