Non-Jews are for practice
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
