i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
