Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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