How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize