The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
