The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's blow job season.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
