i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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