I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
