i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
