yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
