Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
