this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
