at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
