What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize