SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They are going to name an STD after you.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
