Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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