Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
