im drinking this country out of the recession.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize