Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
