the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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