Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
