I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
