i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
