If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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