I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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