You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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