New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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