Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
If I die, sorry about rent.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
