Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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