I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
