All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
