So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
