we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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