Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize