I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
