I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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