It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
