i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize