We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
