Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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