you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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