I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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