Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
