Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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