You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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