So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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