Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
